Yesterday I asked a couple of friends "Can you stay friends with an ex?", prompted by an episode of SATC titled Ex and the City. Carrie and friends addressed the issue of what to do about a boyfriend who has reached his expiry or best before end date and it didn't come as a surprise to me that most of them responded "Chuck him, duh!". They didn't quite say it in those exact words lol (but it's my blog and I can quote and unquote :p). Carrie was however facing a dilemma of what to do about the ex that just wouldn't go away (yep a lot of people have one of those) and in her opinion, she had waited out the prerequisite six months cold turkey period quite magnificently, that turning her ex into a friend seemed like the most logical next step for them. WRONG! As I said to the 100th male friend who reassured me exes could remain friends, why try to turn your old shoes into a handbag when you can just give them away and feel even better about replacing them with a brand new pair of shoes :-). To this, he said I needed to shop less lol.
The interesting thing my research showed was men and women really are from different planets when it comes to pre/post dating rules. While most women would gladly wish for their ex (and everything else associated with him), to fall off the surface of the planet, most men are happy to keep open relationships with their exes and for obvious reasons. For one, there is always wiggle room for the all too popular friends with benefits situation (every man's dream). Another male friend described this as enjoying the goodies without having to deal with the goodie bag. Simply put, you get all the great stuff about the girl but you don't have to deal with the before and after mess of whatever you do/do not get up to. Sweet! Speaking to my lady friends, it was peculiarly mixed but more skewed to the HECK NO end of the spectrum (surprised? not much). As emotional creatures, we find it hard to deal with boundaries, perhaps because emotions ALWAYS blur lines and boundary lines are usually rather thin when converting an ex to a friend. One of my best female friends, a chemical engineer, cleverly said, friendship should be about quality not quantity (who said engineers were strictly quantitative creatures lol). She went on to say a terrible ex is not the kind of person you want as a real friend, especially not in the name of trying to prove your maturity. We all agreed with this as literally ALL guys pull out the maturity card when women tell them they do not see the point in being friends, particularly after a bad break up. One other male friend argued if you were good friends before you embarked on a relationship, chances are you will remain friends when it ends. This opened up a whole new area of discussion such as: 1. Can men and women really be good friends? 2. In cases where you were already friends, do you subconsciously try less to make it work, because you know you are bound to remain in each other's lives regardless?
Personally, I would rather not waffle on as I am multitasking, watching Germany try to beat Spain for a position in the world cup finals. Honestly, I have very strong views about this as I believe a lot of people are guilty of keeping in touch for selfish reasons but I also believe in second chances, so if an ex is worthy of one but reincarnated as a friend......why not?
P.S. Germany's chances are slipping away......... :-(
