Everyone needs to watch Not Easily Broken, at least once or twice (it made more sense the second time). Whenever I do a blog post, I usually start off figuring out the title, then I build up the body of my post from it. But today, I struggled to find an appropriate title for this post as I was torn between Not Easily Broken (the inspiration for this post), Pride comes before a fall or just good ol' Rant. However as the movie came to a beautiful end, I had no doubt in my mind that Love was the way to go. I have no intentions of writing a synopsis of this film because I am trying my best to write shorter posts BUT I do want to pick up on certain aspects of the film. Ever since my post about Stepford Wives and basically what roles society expects women to play in marriages, with a hint of what is expected from men too, some people came back asking for more. Frankly I told them I didn't want to drag the post as I am not well versed in the area (seeing as I ain't married). However, watching this film, I think I have a more informed opinion about the roles of a man and woman in the institution of marriage (or relationships).
Despite the weak reviews, I thoroughly enjoyed this film which had Morris Chestnut and Taraji P. Henson deliver what could possibly be the best performances of their careers. The moment I knew I was going to do a post about this film was when Morris (David) said, "When God made Adam, He instructed Him to do 3 things: work, cultivate and protect. Down through history, men have always been measured by how hard they've worked and cultivated, by how well they've protected their families. In the old days women saw their men as conquerors, providers and heroes but somewhere along the line, something changed and women started to become their own heroes. Maybe it is because men forgot how to be men or maybe because women didn't want to be protected anymore or maybe because of the pain women had to endure in life. But whatever the cause, the world took away a man's reasons for being a man. They told him he wasn't important anymore and when that happened, they turned the whole world upside down."
Hearing this from a man was refreshing, maybe because I've spent considerable amount of time with friends (guys and girls), trying to understand what has gone wrong with the institution of marriage (or relationships even), especially in the black community. In my opinion, it seems along with the equal rights movement, women forgot how to remain loving whilst being ambitious, and men never learnt to adjust and love a woman who could serve more as a partner than a subordinate. In everything he said, it is clear that there has been a serious miscommunication as a result of pride or a lack of love (not entirely sure), but women certainly do not want to be their own heroes (at least not ALL the time); and no matter how great an all girls night out maybe or how satisfying a job is, there is no greater pleasure than that of being with a man (a good man, just the way God intended). Yes feminists (and a well rested me 8 hours from now), will probably shoot me for saying this BUT it is the truth. Of course we don't all sit around bonfires chanting and willing good men into our lives but no straight woman can boldly say men are entirely unimportant. Even though those of us who have men (not necessarily good ones but potentially good), sometimes end up emasculating them with our constant nagging, lack of affection and discouragement because we have bought a bit too much into the Independent Woman hype and think we are better off on our own (not healthy!).
Moving on, later in the film another problem was revealed, men (black men especially), have made us believe every problem in a relationship is 95% physical (perhaps it is easier for most men to admit to being attracted to another woman than to say they are emotionally dependent on her....something about emotions just makes men uneasy). Guys! You need to be able to open up those communication lines no matter how squirmy. Yes it is socially acceptable for women to say "we need to talk" but trust me, we don't particularly enjoy uttering those words. Building up on this, Taraji's mum (brilliantly played by Jenifer Lewis), dropped a profound line "Black women have to be strong". To which Taraji replied: "In all the lessons you taught me about how I need to be strong and independent, you left out one important thing, how to love, forgive and how to really care for somebody else" (deep!). Our men cherish our strength, it is one of the most attractive qualities of a black woman. Sadly, our focus on being strong has distracted us from an even sweeter part of what being a woman means, love and affection. Perhaps our history and culture has meant we struggle with emotions as a race and usually view it as a sign of weakness, BUT love is not an adjective or a noun, it is a verb. I may be clutching at straws here as I haven't done as much research on this as I would've liked to but it is my belief that men like to be needed especially emotionally and physically. If they feel dispensable in these two main areas, anything/anyone that fills that void automatically becomes the object of their affection. All I'm trying to say is if we are to cut divorce rates and broken relationships, men and women need to learn to start loving more, no matter how challenging. After all, love is long suffering (1 Corinthians 13:1-13). Easier said than done I know, but with God, ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26). As D'banj famously sang, "love is a beautiful thing"....g'nite London! xx
