Grrrrrr!

On days like these, I have nothing but admiration for the brave people who go to whatever dark lengths, to secure anything else but the dreaded Nigerian passport! Having just spent the last 2 hours prowling the over 20 pages long Tier 4 Visa application form, I can assure you that the Nigerian passport is a certified pile of shite! Yes, I am angry and frustrated because unlike a lot of other people who would be resuming business school in September, I am stranded in London (I know we are having a peculiarly hot summer but I want a vacation gaddemit!), staycations are soooo summer '09. Worse still, I have to spend my precious time filling in this cursed form that makes stupid demands for things like my blaaady birth certificate (the cheek!).

Aside from better chances of securing a place at a top ranked UK university, thanks to your coveted international fees, I struggle to find any other great joy of having the Nigerian passport. Its dirty green colour certainly borders on offensive, at least in comparison to the British burgundy or American navy blue. The fact you have to apply for a Schengen visa (nightmare!) just to travel within Europe is retarded (someone needs to sort this out). What exactly are the perks of being a Commonwealth nation?

Even though I've never quite had any dramatic experiences with immigration officers, I am not entirely unaware of the one too many questions they tend to ask you because of your questionable nationality. Or the way they make you wait for all the EU/UK/US passport holders to pass through, before attending to you as they do in some Greek and French airports. Yes we don't have it as bad as some other countries like Pakistan, but I really detest my passport sometimes and even though I am a VERY proud Nigerian at heart, I am not such a proud one when it comes to carrying my passport around. I confess, I have several passport covers which I deploy for specific trips; the simple black cover is for business trips, the vibrant orange cover is for group holidays with my girls and the dark brown leather (European Union labelled) cover is for solo trips (a bit extreme I know lol!).

There is also the cost and stress of renewing your million and one visas. Securing a Schengen visa is the definition of cumbersome. Where possible, do yourself a favour, use an agency! Otherwise get organised and plan well ahead of your trip (trust me I learnt the hard way). While US embassy trips are just a right pain in the backside (lets not even get into the over the top security checks.....Americans and their "oversabi"  (translation: know it all). And lets not forget how it stifles your productivity at work, as you can't just up and go on an unexpcted business trip because you need a visa or the one you already have needs renewal grrrr (I almost missed a very important business trip to NY a few years ago thanks to this).

For whatever sins I may have committed in my past life, I have been cursed with a Nigerian passport in this one and I can't wait to get my hands on my British passport (fondly called "the red" by we green passport holders). Yes I said it!

P.S. Anyone want to help me complete my form? I pay good money......

Bag it up!

I love bags almost as much as I love shoes so when my friend showed me her collection of beautifully crafted leather hand bags, I had to buy one and put her on blast, Scribblediva style.

I could only upload a few pictures but she has several more (at very affordable prices ;-)). For more details, hit her up on: olatoun.adeyemo@gmail.com. Happy viewing!

 

 

Love...

Everyone needs to watch Not Easily Broken, at least once or twice (it made more sense the second time). Whenever I do a blog post, I usually start off figuring out the title, then I build up the body of my post from it. But today, I struggled to find an appropriate title for this post as I was torn between Not Easily Broken (the inspiration for this post), Pride comes before a fall or just good ol' Rant. However as the movie came to a beautiful end, I had no doubt in my mind that Love was the way to go. I have no intentions of writing a synopsis of this film because I am trying my best to write shorter posts BUT I do want to pick up on certain aspects of the film. Ever since my post about Stepford Wives and basically what roles society expects women to play in marriages, with a hint of what is expected from men too, some people came back asking for more. Frankly I told them I didn't want to drag the post as I am not well versed in the area (seeing as I ain't married). However, watching this film, I think I have a more informed opinion about the roles of a man and woman in the institution of marriage (or relationships).

Despite the weak reviews, I thoroughly enjoyed this film which had Morris Chestnut and Taraji P. Henson deliver what could possibly be the best performances of their careers. The moment I knew I was going to do a post about this film was when Morris (David) said, "When God made Adam, He instructed Him to do 3 things: work, cultivate and protect. Down through history, men have always been measured by how hard they've worked and cultivated, by how well they've protected their families. In the old days women saw their men as conquerors, providers and heroes but somewhere along the line, something changed and women started to become their own heroes. Maybe it is because men forgot how to be men or maybe because women didn't want to be protected anymore or maybe because of the pain women had to endure in life. But whatever the cause, the world took away a man's reasons for being a man. They told him he wasn't important anymore and when that happened, they turned the whole world upside down."

Hearing this from a man was refreshing, maybe because I've spent considerable amount of time with friends (guys and girls), trying to understand what has gone wrong with the institution of marriage (or relationships even), especially in the black community. In my opinion, it seems along with the equal rights movement, women forgot how to remain loving whilst being ambitious, and men never learnt to adjust and love a woman who could serve more as a partner than a subordinate. In everything he said, it is clear that there has been a serious miscommunication as a result of pride or a lack of love (not entirely sure), but women certainly do not want to be their own heroes (at least not ALL the time); and no matter how great an all girls night out maybe or how satisfying a job is, there is no greater pleasure than that of being with a man (a good man, just the way God intended). Yes feminists (and a well rested me 8 hours from now), will probably shoot me for saying this BUT it is the truth. Of course we don't all sit around bonfires chanting and willing good men into our lives but no straight woman can boldly say men are entirely unimportant. Even though those of us who have men (not necessarily good ones but potentially good), sometimes end up emasculating them with our constant nagging, lack of affection and discouragement because we have bought a bit too much into the Independent Woman hype and think we are better off on our own (not healthy!).

Moving on, later in the film another problem was revealed, men (black men especially), have made us believe every problem in a relationship is 95% physical (perhaps it is easier for most men to admit to being attracted to another woman than to say they are emotionally dependent on her....something about emotions just makes men uneasy). Guys! You need to be able to open up those communication lines no matter how squirmy. Yes it is socially acceptable for women to say "we need to talk" but trust me, we don't particularly enjoy uttering those words. Building up on this, Taraji's mum (brilliantly played by Jenifer Lewis), dropped a profound line "Black women have to be strong". To which Taraji replied: "In all the lessons you taught me about how I need to be strong and independent, you left out one important thing, how to love, forgive and how to really care for somebody else" (deep!). Our men cherish our strength, it is one of the most attractive qualities of a black woman. Sadly, our focus on being strong has distracted us from an even sweeter part of what being a woman means, love and affection. Perhaps our history and culture has meant we struggle with emotions as a race and usually view it as a sign of weakness, BUT love is not an adjective or a noun, it is a verb. I may be clutching at straws here as I haven't done as much research on this as I would've liked to but it is my belief that men like to be needed especially emotionally and physically. If they feel dispensable in these two main areas, anything/anyone that fills that void automatically becomes the object of their affection. All I'm trying to say is if we are to cut divorce rates and broken relationships, men and women need to learn to start loving more, no matter how challenging.  After all, love is long suffering (1 Corinthians 13:1-13). Easier said than done I know, but with God, ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26). As D'banj famously sang, "love is a beautiful thing"....g'nite London! xx

Bubbly bubbly

There is something very hedonistic but rare (let's be honest), about having a great night out in a swanky club, especially in London or New York. By definition, a swanky club is one that is posh, exclusive and pretentious at best (I just described every club in West London...the horror). In London, swanky clubs may sometimes throw in RnB and HipHop (especially since Funky House took over) as a bonus on Saturday nights in particular (lucky us....not!) and you are required to get a table and spend a certain minimum to endeavour you get in, especially if you are not their average looking clientele (i.e. footballer, investment banker or broker, celebrity or aspiring model). So yes, a lot of us just sit around and wait for the party throwers to hire out these clubs and get their own DJ (almost always Bayo or Xclusive), to give us what we call a good night a.k.a. no fuss entry (of course your standard £20 goes at the door), VIP tables (at none VIP prices), sickkk music all night long (woohoo!), familiar faces (thanks to Facebook) and a possible 4am finish.

As we are all getting a little bit older by the second, going to these predominantly juvie fests is fast becoming a big NO NO so yes nowadays I tend to just hit birthdays and do the odd nights out with friends. Few weeks ago, a very good male friend of mine and I hit Taman Gang on a random Friday night and yes the intention was to get tipsy and pretend the techno tunes were the next best thing since Rude Boy lol. Thankfully, Iyaz (dude behind the hit single Replay) was in the building and my friend has very close relations with the club, so we had one of those rare great London nights of a solid 30 minutes or so of good music and no fuss entry (nice!), oh and of course we got a little help from our nectar friends, downing quite a few Amaretto cocktails. So last night when my friend suggested we hit another swanky club, Merah Club (former Crystal) for a mate's birthday, I wasn't completely dis-interested. Thankfully we had a wild night!

Firstly, you must understand that my love for dancing means I only ever go out to drop it low, so of course, the idea of going to a club to sit still and look pretty is equivalent to watching paint dry. I'd rather stay in with my girlfriends, with a good movie and even better alcohol (yes I drink but only in moderation lol.....yah!). So anyhoo when it comes to clubbing, I tend to avoid the pretentious scene especially as you are almost always guaranteed rhythm-less music, although now the game is slowly but surely changing. So last night was a pleasant surprise especially as I was very sober all night lol (just wasn't up for getting smashed). Merah rocked 'arrrrd for a lot of reasons: 

1. The bubbly flow was tasteful. For obvious reasons, a lot of swanky clubs believe too much in the bubbly phenomenon a.k.a. pop champagne which could sometimes border on tacky especially when you throw in way too many sparklers (okay dripping with Cristal while dancing to "Say Aah" is fun only if it's really your birthday lol). As Aristotle famously said, "seek moderation in all things."

2. The people! Everyone was trendy as expected, verrrry good looking, friendly and up to no good lol. It was a sight to behold. At one point, I actually took an odd moment out to suck it all in. People from all races, ages and walks of life, just having a great time partying. It was awesome and I felt very at home, just my kind of scene. Enough preppy-ness without the aloofness.

3. The music was surprisingly HOT! It started off a bit slow considering we were met by a solid one hour techno session (with a hint of funky house) but then the DJ switched up his game and before I knew it, we were all standing on the sofa (tables for some too), throwing our hands in the air and basically shooting a potential Hip Hop video lol. It was a right laugh and the Russian looking dudes who had their table next to us joined in on the fun (lucky gits). I still have an ice pack on my feet and neck for trying out some dance stunts that seemed like such a good idea at the time lol.

All in all, Merah is a solid 8 out of 10. Next up, Maya in 2 weeks.....should be sore-free by then. I love London! ;-)

Disclaimer: I was bullied into doing this write up *you know who you are*

Four Weddings

Out of sheer boredom, I found myself taking the "Are you a bridezilla?" quiz on Living TV's website (don't ask! and yes at the time, I didn't even know what the term bridezilla meant). My close friends know I'm more of a watch-it-online kinda girl, something to do with the fact that I watched sooooo much telly at uni, my eyeballs literally went square (kidding lol). Truth is, some shows are simply better on telly and Four Weddings is without a doubt, one of them. As a young lady on the slightly darker side of 20 (i.e. over 24), like most other Nigerian girls my age, I've heard my mum and every other aunt or uncle, tell me the same thing for the last decade; "You are ripe for marriage, when are we coming to drink palm wine?" (major cringe!). Being a very odd person (based on what I've been told lol), I have never actually cared much for weddings i.e. the actual "gra gra" (translation: fuss) of the entire ceremony, like having a monthly subscription to bridal magazines with post-its on "potential wedding dresses" like some single women do (why torture yourself so???), or becoming a renowned wedding crasher just to keep abreast of latest wedding developments, such as who the hottest wedding planner or photographer in town is (lolll people actually do this and keep secret journals too). Having said all this, you can imagine my shock, when I realised I had watched SEVERAL episodes of what is fast becoming my TV Achilles, Four Weddings!!! (4W). It got so good I even attempted to watch Bulging Brides, a US reality TV show that tries to get foul eating brides into shape for their big day. I only lasted 5 minutes before I started counting sheep lol. What a pile of horse dung sheesh! Reality TV is generally retarded in my opinion, BUT 4W rocks! (well discounting the odd gay, naked or vampire themed wedding).

Watching the show and having my mum remind me EVERYDAY that she can't wait to dance to "Yori Yori" at my wedding lol (bless her), has definitely tugged at a nerve I didn't realise I had. It also doesn't help that it's wedding season in London and I absolutely love Yori Yori remix (now that is one song I can see myself dancing to at (dear I say it) my wedding.......eeek!). Thanks to my wedding phobia, I haven't actually given much thought to the practical side of things that could go so wrong at a wedding. Like having a guest arrive in a dress similar to yours but much better.....WHY?? Lol! Or What do you do about your friend's child that keeps making way too much noise at the most important parts of the day? (lolll pure evil!). But these are the sort of questions the quiz asked and things you get to see on 4W (luv it!). Apart from the superficial elements of a wedding, like wanting to look like a Barbie bride (still don't get this), having 10 different entertainers at your reception (why share the limelight hello!) and so many other random things that bridezillas insist on having at their weddings, there is a rather beautiful and emotional element of wedding ceremonies, especially the vows which I've sometimes teared up at (shame). The best moments in 4W include: watching the bride walk down the aisle with her father, the couple's first kiss, their first dance, the cultural weddings (so far I've witnessed a Turkish/Russian/Nigerian/Indian/Irish/English wedding) and seeing family and friends celebrating the union. Thanks to 4W, I can bravely say I'm slowly overcoming my phobia and best of all, the test revealed I am NO bridezilla (much to my amazement as bridezillas are blatantly control freaks that obsess about every little detail of their wedding.......sounds a lot like me in my every day life minus the wedding lol). My result said: Sensible and level-headed in adversity. Frankly, the world would be a better place if you were the one being elected Prime Minister next month. Hello Downing Street and umm wedding bells! *shy face*

To be, or Not to be.....

You spend endless days, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, mending clothes, ironing, gardening, watching day time TV, doing school runs, looking immaculate, hosting, socialising and dutifully catering to your husband and kids. You should feel proud, accomplished (as far as being a woman goes), content even, but some how you don't feel any of these emotions. Instead you feel dissatisfied, unappreciated, invisible and worst of all, trapped. Your kids always seem to have a never-ending batch of laundry for you to attend to, they ask why you don't go to work like James or Sarah's mum (whom they fondly refer to as superwoman), they much prefer the odd days you order a KFC Family bucket meal to the beautiful homecooked dinners you spend hours preparing and they hate that you are always all up in their business (what business?? lol). Then your husband expects you to be submissive and a real life version of the women portrayed in the movie, The Stepford Wives (based on a satirical thriller novel by Ira Levin, set in the fictional suburb of Stepford, Connecticut). All these demands, combined with your need to maintain some kind of control over the only part of your life you feel your input matters, the efficient running of your home, leaves you undeniably disgruntled and yet you are amazed by the positive life changing results of Channel 5's documentary, Obedient Wives which basically glorifies your every day life.  

As I handed in my security card on my last day at work just a few weeks ago (ahead of business school in September......since a LOT of people are asking lol), I was dizzy with glee at the prospect of guilt-free late nights doing absolutely nothing productive, attending to things I never quite had the time to do, like live my life lol. But I never quite knew my free time would be spent mentally drawing up grocery shopping lists, doing house chores (no thanks to my severe case of OCD) and just generally morphing into a modern day Stepford Wife. Admittedly, my friends and I have discussed in detail over the years about the ideal marriage situation (i.e. to be a housewife or a working mum) and I always swayed more to the housewife school of thought, but over the last few weeks, I can tell you, both are equally demanding. Some women manage to seamlessly run their homes and maintain ambitious careers, but in my opinion, they either get a LOT of help or eventually suffer from a premature midlife crisis. In the Channel 5 show which put the Surrendered Wives movement (based on the idea that men can't change, so women need a radical re-think in order to preserve romance in marriages........a woman wrote this ish!) on the map, women were asked: 'Which do I want more: to have control of every situation or to have an intimate marriage?'  (who said the world doesn't revolve around men??)

Furthermore, it was established that career women find it very hard to come home and be feminine, loving and soft and caring - they just come home with this boss attitude instead (hmm I concur), concluding that for women who wanted to have it all (i.e. happy marriage and successful career), the quote "You catch more flies with honey, not vinegar", holds true. So I asked my male friends for their opinion and in a bid to seem modern and open, they all attempted to describe their ideal marriage situation but the not-so-shocking truth was, they all ended up describing a woman that didn't look much different to a 1950's Stepford Wife or the 2000's Surrendered Wife. The bottom line is men want to be served and admired by their wives, but what do we want? Well judging by all the conversations I've held with my girlfriends over the years, women generally want to be provided for. So why can't we all get on with it and drop the labels (career woman/StepfordWife/Surrendered Wife and whatever else). Besides as noted on http://www.stepfordwives.org/, to serve a man is not a cookbook, it's a pleasure! (Amen to that lol!)

Yummy!

I am having one of those weeks where all I think about is my next meal lol. It is so bad that on any given day, I can't actually keep count of all I've consumed because all I do is munch, munch, munch. Even more disturbing, people keep asking me where it all goes. At first I tend to say nothing but when they say "No, seriously, where does it go?" I usually feel inclined to say "ummm my head" luckily that answer seems to do the trick but when it doesn't I just ask "Hey are you gonna have that last piece of chicken or can we share it?" Then they just shake their heads in awe and wander off.....result!

The best thing about living in Maida Vale is its food scene (yes I'm allowed to say that). Obviously it is a lovely residential area, certainly posh at best, well endorsed by celebs (Kate Moss lives nearby in slightly more uppity St John's Wood, Jude Law is a neighbour and I've run into him and Vernon Kay at my local corner shop and pub......my claim to fame hoorah! lol) BUT we have great scenery thanks to Little Venice and greater eateries such as Raoul's, Thai Rice, Cafe Rouge, Cafe Laville, Idle Wild (and all the restaurants in nearby Paddington basin).

As I said in an earlier blog post, I don't entirely love slaving away in the kitchen so yes a lot of my munch sessions tend to happen outside my home (shame). Over the last few years, I've only ever frequented Raoul's to pick up my Lola's Kitchen Cupcakes but yesterday, my sister and I decided to give brunch a go and boy were we pleased! The service was efficient, food superb! (lurrrrrrrrrrrrrved my golden yellow Italian scrambled eggs) and the ambience was just as you would expect.......our fellow feasters were a bit rah-rah (fine by me) and the walls were nicely decorated with retro pictures of the likes of Grace Jones (topless.....not as scary as you would imagine). All in all a delightful experience :-)